


it's not the dark you should be afraid of

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4140633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trolls do not interfere with humans. Humans return the favor. But a strange enemy rises that even the powerful troll armies cannot deal with. Four humans are called upon in this time of need, humans that know more than they should, lived more than they should have, and can do far more than any human should ever be able to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ingress

**Author's Note:**

> This story shouldn't go for too long. I'm experimenting with story ideas, and decided to throw this one out here. This may or not develop into an actual series of sorts, but I wouldn't bet on it.

When they arrive, you’re not sure what to think.

If someone would ask you about your thoughts on humans, you would probably grace them with a long and hard rant about their uselessness in every sense of the word. Their pink skin is weird, they’re too soft, too _nice_ , and the idiots don’t even have a quadrant system. How they manage to keep their society organized is beyond you.

But these four humans are different.

It’s not just because Peixes had sent out messengers _specifically_ to find these four, no. It’s the way they move, the way they look at each other as if whole conversations occur in the span of a second or two.

They’re standing in the grandeur of troll architecture and royalty and they look utterly unimpressed. You know for a _fact_ that humans don’t have anything as great as this and yet.

You glare at them as Feferi rises from her seat. They should be bowing the fuck down. You don’t usually give a shit about courtesy in front of royalty like Eridan does, but you’re taking the time to mentally point out all of their wrongdoings. _Humans._

“Thank you _so_ much for coming! I was worried that messages weren’t going to get through!” Feferi exclaims, and out of the corner of your eye you can see Eridan grimace. You agree. She makes it sound like you desperately need their help (you do) and as if they can actually _do_ anything.

“The messages would have gotten across in one way or another, Your Highness.” one of them says. Her orange hood, which had covered her eyes before she had unceremoniously swept it off, revealed golden hair and lavender eyes. Her gaze is piercing, and it’s fucking unnatural.

She looks to be dressed in traditional Seer clothing, the type that Terezi refuses to wear on principle. One of them, with hair so pale it’s _white_ , what the fuck, is wearing a pair of shades that you immediately categorize as ridiculous. He’s in red, making you scowl inwardly and out. There’s a girl in this strange, shimmering black with her equally dark hair tumbling down her back and a boy with windswept hair wearing a horribly bright blue.

“So!” Feferi says suddenly, clapping her hands. “You _are_ aware of what’s going on, right?”

The one in shades leans on a sword that you didn’t see in his hands seconds ago. “Yeah. Same shadow imp bullshit like the humans had. Thought y’all would have been a-okay with it, since the dark is your best friend or whatever. It’s cool, we covered it there, we’ll cover it here.”

Feferi beams, and your anger meter climbs several more notches. “That’s great to hear! We’ve arranged some a block, er, room for you while you deal with it.”

The blue one whispers in the douchebag-with-shades’ ear. You manage to make out “some kind of exterminators?” after which the douchebag mutters something that you can’t hear but elicits a chuckle from the blue one. Nice to know they’re laughing at you now.

“This is Eridan Ampora; he’s sort of my advisor and my second-in-command!” Introductions. Great.

“This is General Karkat Vantas! I’ll expect you to work with him since this is mostly his territory.” She gestures at you and you grunt in response.

“Well, I’m Jade,” the girl in black says. There is _no way_ those ears on her head are real. She points at the boy in blue, whose grin shows off his dumb and blunt teeth, “he’s John,” creepy orange girl, “Rose,” and finally shades, “and that’s Dave!”

Stupid humans and their short names. Stupid humans, thinking that you needed their help in fighting a war.


	2. Acerbate

“Wow, one room? I thought that they’d give us four, really fancy rooms, but I guess not!” John exclaims, plopping himself on the bed. “At least they gave us a really huge bed!”

“I don’t think they know much about humans, John.” you tell him. “They must think that we are such social creatures that privacy is unheard of.”

“Or, they only had patience to make one bed, and just made it _really fucking huge_ to make up for their laziness. They probably think we’d be so grateful for something normal to sleep on that we wouldn’t complain.” Dave says as he nonchalantly floats mid-air.

Jade laughs. “Face it, guys, even if we did have separate rooms we’d all end up in one anyway!” The rest of you, yourself included, make noises of agreement. “I wouldn’t really mind sopor though…” she adds thoughtfully. You tell her that despite the fact that all of you had slept in sopor before, you had been trolls then. You would also point out the fact that humans weren’t compatible with sopor, but you know that she knows that. She’s probably thinking up some biological theory about it by now.

“Oh man, did you see Karkat’s face? It was like he was silently exploding, heheh.” John laughs. He lobs a pillow at Dave without moving his hands. Dave snorts and catches the wind-thrown pillow easily.

You feel a tickle in the back of your mind. In your mind’s eye, the door glows purple, the color of your magic. You see a familiar silhouette behind it.

“Speaking of our furious general, he’ll be coming through that door soon.” Dave flits to the bed and leans on it in an attempt of seductiveness. 

“My dear brother, are you planning on recapturing Vantas’ heart in this iteration?” you ask.

“Nah. Not this time. We have shit to do. _Buuut_ I kind of want to piss him off. ‘Cause I can. Draw me like one of your French girls, Rose.” He poses accordingly and John rolls his eyes.

“Mmhmm.” you reply. “He’ll be here in-”

“Three, two, one!” Jade counts, and John manages to stifle a laugh as someone mercilessly bangs on the door. “ _GENERAL VANTAS. LET ME THE FUCK IN._ ” My, such courtesy.

John opens the door with a lazy flick of his wrist (Jade always wants to open the door but that results in either the sudden absence of a door or a door fit for a dollhouse).

General Vantas stomps in, looking stricken for a moment as he notices that no one was near the door. The emotion is swiftly murdered by his natural scowl, which deepens as he notices Dave.

“I cannot _believe_ what I am seeing here. We are currently under siege by beings from the deepest pits of hell and for some _inexplicable fucking reason_ you four humans - humans! - are supposed to help. But no! Here you are, lounging around like a pack of idiots! Now’s a good time to stop fondling ourselves and realize that you are now in the midst of _war_.” he rants.

You fold your hands in your lap and give him a demure look. “I’m dreadfully sorry that my companions and I did not live up to your expectations. Is there anything you wanted to say before you were sidetracked by our incompetence?” He fumes a little before spitting out a “Yes.”

“Look, I don’t know why everyone’s saying that you took out armies on your own, I call bullshit. But now you’re working with _me_ , and I need accurate information of what the hell you can do. I need to figure out where to put you asslickers.”

Jade giggles and he fixes a murderous red gaze on her. You wonder if Feferi’s place on the throne has abolished the hemospectrum, at least in theory. “You don’t need to _put_ us anywhere, silly!”

Ah, yes. Red creeps up onto his face. There are too few words to express the indignant rage of one Karkat Vantas. It is really too bad that the four of you know him better than anyone, that by now his anger does nothing but act as the equivalence of a mouse attempting to look intimidating.

“ _What!?_ ” he shrieks. “Well,” you begin, and he whirls to face you. “I would be considered the tactician of our little group, and as such, here is the plan.” He listens with obvious suspicion. “The four of us go out to fight. The rest of you either stay back here and defend if necessary, or could just go and watch us if you so please. There will be no need for any of your troops to interfere.”

He bares his teeth and _growls_. The four of you remain unperturbed. “Are you suggesting that my troops are _inferior,_ you festering sack of shit?” You allow yourself to smile a little.

“No, General Vantas. I am heavily implying that we are far more superior.”

He _shakes_ with anger. Mouth opens, mouth closes. Fists clench.

He throws his hands into the air. “Fuck this.” he dead-pans. “Fuck all of you.”

“Why, you offering?” Dave quips from the bed, raising an eyebrow _just so_ , allowing it to appearing just above his shades.

Karkat makes a noise that sounds like the bastard child of a growl and a screech, and storms out of the room.

As soon as John closes the door, he and Jade burst into laughter. Dave chuckles a bit and you take a moment to feel good about yourself.

“Wow, you really pissed him off there, Lalonde.” he tells you. You shrug. “Pissing off Karkat is not a very difficult job to pull off. I did find it quite amusing.”

“Amusing.” he repeats. “Rose, that was the highlight of my _life_.”

“Which one?” Jade asks in between giggles.

The pillow he throws soon finds itself suddenly appearing in the throne room.


	3. Exeat

There were a lot of things you expected, but this was not it.

You were not expecting to be sitting in a chair.

This statement will make far more sense when it is revealed that you are currently sitting in a chair in Feferi’s respiteblock while Eridan bitches about his rifle within the atmosphere of mild befuddlement.

So yeah. The chair isn’t really the problem here.

“…Does anyone know what actually _happened_?” Feferi asks. You blink at her, and then realize that she’s actually targeting the question at you and is not soliciting the heavens for a reply. You must be really out of it if you’re thinking about the heavens. Next thing you know you’ll be joining Gamzee in babbling about miracles.

“Well. No.” you tell her with the utmost of professional tones. “I was _supposed_ to be getting to my troops to intercept the incoming army, like you told me, but…”

“But?” Feferi probes.

“Fuck, I don’t know! I lost track of time somehow. And then…” you trail off.

And then those four despicable humans who _dared_ to insult your prowess on the battlefield had waltzed in through the gates. They were covered in that black gunk that always came along with those shadow freaks, and were chatting amicably amongst themselves.

“It’s done.” Rose had told you, daintily wiping her pale face with a miniature sanitizing cloth. Where did she even _get_ that thing?

“Done?” you asked. You were pretty confused. It felt like you had been walking through the halls for a very long time.

“Yes, Karkat. Done. There’s no need to worry about any future attacks. We took care of it.”

You had stared at her in disbelief. “There is _no way_ I’m going to fall for that. What kind of joke even _is_ that?! Does your species get off on other people thinking that it’s safe to let their guard down?” You were interrupted by Jade.

“No Karkat, we’re not lying! You can go check if you want. There’s dead shadow thingies everywhere! Oh, _bluh!_ ” Jade had spit out some of the gunk from her mouth. You had a moment of panic when you thought that those things could _infect_ people, but then John spoke up.

“See! That’s what happens when you go into crazy wolf mode! I mean, tearing things apart with your hands is nice and all, but your _teeth_? That’s gross!” Jade stuck her tongue out at him.

You glanced at Dave, who just gave you a shrug. You were beginning to feel a little perturbed. There was something in the air, some sort of energy thrumming with power. It couldn’t have been from _them_.

Before you could contemplate this theory, Eridan had burst into the room looking like a frazzled cluckbeast. “ _YOU!”_ he screeched, pointing at them. “ _Which one of you-”_

“Oh, sorry! Here it is!” Jade exclaimed, and Eridan lunged for the gun that had… just appeared in front of him?

Hours in the future, but not many, which is to say, right now in the present, the three of you sit and try to figure out these puzzling humans. Later, you all get off your lazy asses and go to the battlefield to survey the damage, and are suitably surprised.

You, Karkat Vantas, are very put off by these events!

You are the general of a fearsome force. You were pit against another fearsome force, and were forced to retreat.

You had been sure that victory was coming for you anyway, there was nothing you couldn’t do. You are the best leader, it’s you.

But then these four humans came here, obliterated the entire army of hellbeasts, and you were left sitting on your ass in confusion.

They’ve made a _fool_ out of you. Impossible godly powers aside, you have a fucking bone to pick.

Unfortunately, when you make your presence known near their block, there is no answer. You swing open the door and it empty, void of any living presence. You are _furious_.

They left without you airing your grievances! Of which you had an assuredly plentiful amount.

(They also left before you could find out what they were.)

You stand there and simmer in your anger when a voice speaks to you, breath brushing over your ear and being altogether too close for comfort.

“ _Hi, Karkat_.”

You, of course, did not make an ungodly screech while flailing your arm. You had simply turned around, calm and collected, as you always are. Yeah. Definitely.

When you finished _calmly_ turning around, you found yourself facing John.

“Heheh. You are the _funniest_ to prank! Good thing _that_ never changes.” he says, laughing. You don’t get half of that sentence but he’s _laughing_ at you so you prepare to unleash vitriol of the most epic proportions.

“Karkat, I’m sure you have plenty of kind things to say at the moment, but as much as we’d love to stay and listen, we need to go.” Rose tells you, deflating your anger balloon.

“Hey, Karkat. Say hi to TZ, er, Terezi for me. Tell her a coolkid sent the message.” Dave says, and you glare at him before the surprise hits you.

“Wait, you know Terezi? _How-_ ” you splutter, before Rose intercepts your sentence. “Tell Kanaya hello from me as well.”

You open your mouth, and close it.

Jade flashes you a dazzling, you mean, nauseating grin. “See you next time, Karkat!” and begins to walk away.

“…Next time?” you manage through your puzzlement. John just laughs at you and waves as he leaves, his blue clothes and his black hair fluttering in an impossible breeze. Rose gives you a little smile and turns away as well.

Dave sighs. “Yeah. Next time.” he affirms, and for a split second he’s looking at you over his shades, his shockingly red eyes staring into your own. Then they’re gone and he gives you a nod, and walks away to join the others.

 

Time passes. The four humans, if they were ever human at all, settle themselves into memories that live in the back of your mind.

Much later you’ll learn that they had been tracking down the source of the shadowbeasts. You learn that they walked into a dark wood and never came back.

You feel a sense of mourning that you will never understand.

You wonder what they meant by “next time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
